Session 02 - Into the Parasite Nest
TL;DR
Fresh off their Blood Bond victory, the party received their first official Edgerunner mission: clear out an edge parasite infestation beneath the city. Armed with wooden stakes (not steaks), garlic wreaths, and an apple allegedly lethal to dragons, they descended into the tunnels. There they met Count Valdris, a surprisingly hospitable 850-year-old vampire with terrible jokes and a birthday in six days - and Selane of the Deep Rock, a ghost-like lake spirit who granted gills in exchange for precious memories. The party burned through the matron’s nest, rescued a dock worker named Devin of questionable intellect, and emerged victorious with gold, reputation, and one very confused dwarf who can no longer remember his crush.
Cast (PCs)
- Na Mean, dwarven fighter; hand axe enthusiast; devoted follower of Carla (until the lake took that from him); prone to dramatic “For Carla!” battle cries.
- Snagmaz, half-orc pit fighter; spear specialist; grew gills for ten minutes; nearly drowned anyway; slayer of matrons (ass-to-face technique perfected).
- Emid, human ranger; longbow marksman; former crop farmer; lost his first harvest memory to a lake spirit; really needs to buy some armor.
Setting & Vibe
- Location: The tunnels beneath the Dry Dock area of Shuttle’s Shipyard, leading deep into parasite-infested caverns connected by an underground holy lake.
- The storm rages above as the Fringe Guards man the parapets, leaving the new Edgerunners to handle pest control.
- The acid-stench of edge parasites, the musty smell of 600-year-old biscuits, and the inexplicable presence of jazz music deep underground.
Pre-Mission Prep: Stakes, Steaks, and Strategic Garlic
The Edge Runner’s Barracks
The party ventured towards the Edge Runner’s barracks in the Dry Docks, here they met the sweet receptionist Carla, a stunning (at least according to Na Mean) dwarven lady. Sweet Carla provided some extra rations for the party and an oil lamp. She also told the party about some rumors from the caves underneath - she even heard there was a Vampire down there. She couldn’t quite remember if Vampires were afraid of garlic or was it…oranges?
The Wooden Stake Incident
With the information from Carla - the party scrounged the dry docks for materials, finding broken oars that Na Mean chopped into wooden stakes, or as someone spelled it in Foundry: “wooden steaks.”
“It would be nice just arriving at a vampire with a wooden steak. Slap him in the face with it. He’s like, what the fuck is this? You eat them, right? And then you die?”
Six stakes were crafted and distributed. The vampire-hunting efficiency of jabbing undead with ribeye cuts remains untested.
Garlic and Oranges
- Na Mean purchased garlic wreaths from the market and proudly wore one as a necklace, a decision that would prove prophetically useful.
- The party debated buying oranges but ultimately passed.
The Apple of Dragon-Slaying
Meeting Watcher Oram on the stairs down, the party learned a crucial fact: dragons are allergic to apples. Or at least, that’s what Peter from the guard always says. Oram, besotted with the dwarven receptionist Carla, reluctantly parted with his apple, a gift from her, in exchange for a promise to return it if no dragons appeared.
“If you see anything big, run. Unless it’s a dragon, then use the apple.”
The Descent: First Blood
Into the Tunnels
The party descended countless stairs into the dock workers’ rest area beneath the city. The steel gate leading deeper had been forced open from the inside. Stone cracked from the hinges, suggesting something large wanted out.
“Jesus Christ, the torture rack right next to the fucking bedrooms.”
First Encounter: Edge Parasites
Entering a chamber reeking of acid, Na Mean detected clicking sounds from above. Before anyone could react:
Three dog-sized parasites dropped from the ceiling, flickering in and out of reality. One immediately spat goo into Na Mean’s face.
Emid’s longbow sang first, one-shotting a parasite before it hit the ground. Snagmaz pinned another’s tongue to the floor with his spear. When the third shot a spine into Snagmaz’s side, Na Mean raised his axe to the sky: “In the name of Odin, Thor, and all the Norse gods… FOR CARLA!” and buried it in the creature’s skull. Emid’s follow-up arrow finished the job.
The party discovered tunnels dug by non-humanoid means. This was just the beginning.
Count Valdris the Threadbound
The Jazz Cave
Following the tunnels east, the party heard something unexpected: music. Jazz music, to be specific, emanating from behind a door in an eerily neat chamber.
Inside stood a very old, very pale gentleman in fine (if dated) clothing, hunched over books. He turned with delight:
“Oh! Mortals! What a delightful… I mean, it’s been so many years since I’ve had visitors.”
The Count’s Hospitality
Count Valdris, self-proclaimed vampire and resident of these tunnels for 600 years, immediately set about being the world’s most accommodating undead host:
- Poured wine into glasses caked with centuries of cobwebs
- Offered 600-year-old biscuits (they tasted like shit)
- Played jazz on some inexplicable sound device
- Smelled absolutely terrible
When Na Mean approached wearing his garlic wreath:
“Dwarven man, please take that shit out of my room. I will not have any garlic in here.”
“It makes my eyes water.”
Na Mean refused to remove his necklace and observed from the doorway.
The Count vs. Counting
The party learned Valdris was once a count, a noble title, leading to one of the session’s finest exchanges:
Valdris: “I was a count, you know.”
Na Mean: “Count of what?”
Valdris: “Yes. A count.”
Na Mean: “Do you count dukes?”
Emid: “He counts dukes!”
Valdris: “…Illiterates.”
After much confusion about numerical literacy, Valdris revealed he’s turning 851 years old in six days and would very much appreciate visitors. The party promised to bring a cake with 851 candles.
Useful Information
Despite his eccentricities, Valdris provided valuable intel:
- A crying girl lives in a lake to the north (“quite sweet if you get to know her”)
- The parasites have a nest to the northeast
- He bandaged Snagmaz’s wounded leg with a stinging paste that healed 2 HP
- The workers rarely bother him because he keeps a “Keep Out” sign on his door
“If you forget my birthday, don’t worry. I won’t haunt you in the nights.”
Nervous laughter.
“That was a vampire joke.”
Selane of the Deep Rock
The Holy Lake
Following Valdris’s directions north, the party found a vast underground lake glowing with bioluminescent mushrooms. Snagmaz, ever impulsive, sprinted to the water’s edge and drank deeply.
“There’s a lady that shits in there.”
“…She doesn’t.”
Growing Gills
The holy water transformed Snagmaz instantly. His throat bubbled, slits opened, and he grew functional gills. He could now breathe underwater for approximately ten minutes.
Naturally, he immediately dove in and swam straight down for eight minutes.
Selane Appears
A young woman ascended from the depths, preserved but ancient, having been a pearl diver before the city even existed. She spoke slowly, as if remembering how words worked:
“You mustn’t drink from the water.”
“…I poop in this water.”
Beat.
“No. This water is holy.”
Selane explained the water grants blessings, but also takes memories. Those who linger near the lake forget things.
The Memory Tax
- Emid lost his memory of his first harvest, the day his father told him he’d done a good job
- Na Mean lost all memory of his romantic interest in Carla (THE ENTIRE ROMANCE ARC, GONE)
When Snagmaz dove too deep and ran out of time, Selane offered to retrieve him, for a price. Na Mean, in a moment of genuine roleplay excellence, offered his most precious memory:
“I will give you my first kiss of a dwarven princess. The most beautiful woman besides you, of course, that I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
He described the stone-carving competition, the gilded bracelet, the party afterwards, the stolen kiss, the bracelet slipped back onto her wrist…
“And that was the last I ever saw her.”
“That is a beautiful memory. I will cherish it forever.”
Selane dove and returned in 30 seconds with a sputtering, gill-less Snagmaz.
Gifts from the Lake
In gratitude:
- Na Mean received a Flask of Lake’s Blessing (10 minutes water breathing OR throwable difficult terrain)
- Each party member received a bowl of water granting temporary gills
- Selane offered to lead them through the underwater passage to the parasite nest
The 30-minute underwater journey featured Selane’s angelic singing, psychedelic glowing mushrooms, and her refreshing their gills by blowing into their mouths every ten minutes. It was “quite a ride.”
The Matron’s Nest: Boss Fight
Arrival
Emerging near the nest, the party smelled overwhelming acid and heard constant clicking. In the darkness, they could make out:
- The Matron Edge Parasite, a massive spider-like creature with thick chitin armor
- Multiple smaller parasites guarding webbed egg sacs
- Webbing everywhere protecting the eggs
Snagmaz lit a torch, instantly alerting everything.
The Battle
The Matron lashed out with a dimensional eye attack, but Snagmaz dodged. Na Mean burned his Luck token to bury his hand axe in the creature’s hide, while Emid’s arrow crippled its front leg. The smaller parasites fought back viciously, one even throwing itself into the flames to save the eggs from Snagmaz’s torch.
When the Matron’s claws tore into Snagmaz, leaving him barely standing, Na Mean responded with pure theatrical violence: leaping across a rock, scooping up the last small parasite with his shield, splitting it in half through its open mouth, and hurling the remains at the Matron while screaming “YOU’LL DIE HERE WITH YOUR EVIL SPAWN!”
Emid put another arrow into the beast. Then Snagmaz drove his spear straight through the Matron’s brain, ending her.
“Once again, you shall be the slayer of Big Beetle.”
“Face to ass again?”
“Nah, this time, right through her fucking brain.”
Aftermath
- The party collected eggs as proof of completion
- Na Mean hacked off the Matron’s head (“Get out of the way” CHOP “There.“)
- Snagmaz set the remaining webs and eggs ablaze
- Emid used his Herbalism/Bushcraft skills to identify and collect:
- Green mushrooms (healing potion ingredients!)
- Purple mushrooms (toxic but valuable)
- Glowing crystals
Rescuing Devin: A Man of Simple Pleasures
The Damsel in Distress (Male, Dock Worker Edition)
Hearing screaming from a nearby passage, the party found Devin, a dock worker trapped in webbing with two parasites closing in.
“Get away from me! GET AWAY FROM ME!”
Quick Combat:
- First parasite hit Emid for 2 damage
- Second parasite missed with its tongue attack
- Na Mean walked up and landed a critical hit for 13 damage: “WHEN WILL YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS ISN’T YOUR CAVE?!”
- Snagmaz killed the other with 7 damage and a Flourish
Devin emerged from his webbing:
“Oh my god! Oh my god! Thank you, boys!”
“You boy. What are you doing down here?”
“I’m Devin.”
“I didn’t ask your name, I said what are you doing down here?”
“I’m Devin, and I’m a dock worker.”
Devin’s Philosophy
The party learned several facts about Devin:
- He is a dock worker (mentioned twice)
- His mum thinks he’s stupid
- His mum is actually “quite successful” and “very sweetheart”
- He sleeps immediately upon reaching safety
- His mum apparently likes wooden steaks
“Even if you’re stupid, you’ve got a value here. You’re a dock worker. Remember what you said when we first met you?”
“I’m a dock worker.”
“That’s right. Good for you, Devin.”
Mission Complete: Sergeant Kalla Steelcord
Debrief
Returning to Sergeant Kalla Steelcord with the Matron’s head and eggs:
Snagmaz: “Our lovely trophies.”
Kalla: “You brought eggs as well? I don’t think we want eggs, but all right, we’ll take them.”
Na Mean: “If you want them, you can burn them. Eat them.”
Kalla: “Yeah, we’ll probably just burn them.”
Rewards
| Reward | Details |
|---|---|
| Base Payment | 75 gold |
| Live Specimen Bonus | +10 gold (eggs) |
| Total | 85 gold (≈28 gold each) |
| Equipment | Fringe Guard Signal Kit (each) |
| Reputation | +2 Fringe Guard |
The signal kits allow calling for backup outside the city. Single use, don’t waste them.
NPCs & Organizations
New NPCs
- Count Valdris the Threadbound, 850-year-old vampire, surprisingly friendly, terrible cook, birthday in 6 days, lives in tunnels, loves jazz, definitely not bound by anything anymore but won’t leave his room.
- Selane of the Deep Rock, ancient pearl diver ghost/spirit bound to a holy lake, grants blessings in exchange for memories, finds Count Valdris “obnoxious.”
- Devin, dock worker (his words), simple folk, loves his mum, was almost bug food.
- Sergeant Kalla Steelcord, Fringe Guard officer who issued the mission and handled payment.
- Watcher Oram, Fringe Guard, fellow Carla enthusiast, believes dragons fear apples.
- Carla, dwarven receptionist at the Fringe Guard headquarters, German/French accent, apparently gorgeous by dwarven standards, completely forgotten by Na Mean.
Organizations
- Fringe Guards, city defenders against Edge incursions; party now has +2 reputation with them.
Lingering Threads
Immediate
- Return Carla’s lantern… but Na Mean no longer remembers who she is
- Count Valdris’s 851st birthday in 6 days. Need 851 candles and a cake
- Shopping for gear (Emid desperately needs armor)
Long-term Mysteries
- What are the “Undoers” from Session 1? Still no answers.
- Why was Valdris originally imprisoned? “Some misunderstanding.”
- What else lurks in these tunnels?
- Dragons are allergic to apples? (The apple was never returned to Oram)
Quotes of the Session
“I’ve always kind of hazed Peter about it. Do you happen to have an apple on you?” Pulls out perfect green apple “Carla gave me this.”
“I take many accounts.” “No, I was a count.” “Yes, but what did you count?”
“I primarily live off wine.” “Impressive.”
“FOR CARLA!” (swings axe) (Na Mean, who will forget her entirely within the hour)
“YOU’LL DIE HERE WITH YOUR EVIL SPAWN!” (Na Mean, to a giant bug)
“I’m Devin, and I’m a dock worker.” (Devin, establishing his entire identity twice)
“Your mum’s right. You’re stupid.” “My mum’s the best, me mum.”